"People, I am going out tonight. Out in ways I never did during the making of the record(s), and in ways I certainly can't when I'm on tour. I don't like partying without a really good reason. That "we're alive!" thing doesn't really work as an excuse. I hope to be alive for a long time - I'm not going to celebrate every night. But tonight is certainly different
I would like to give you a heads up as to what you may read about or see in the coming days.
Please do not become alarmed if I:
--publicly challenge Phil Collins to a fistfight. (This is a family tradition - more on this later)
--break my own expensive camera and then sue myself for every dollar I have
--freestyle rap (most of my rhymes reference all things being "fierce")
--ruminate amongst strangers as to who would win a fight between Jimmy Carter and former Mets catcher Gary Carter
--get busy in a Burger King bathroom
--become separated from my friends and begin partying with a new crowd of gents who seem nice enough, take a ride in their van to a house in Van Nuys, where I will try my hand at gay-for-pay superstardom under the name "Jonny Lobo", filming over 300 features throughout the course of a night, becoming the hottest newcomer on the scene earning 12 AVN nominations and winning seven, before eventually bottoming out with a string of sub-par performances, a brief stint in rehab and then hopping a cab ride home before sun-up. I will tell my friends I was napping in a bush."